Yes I Like Older Men, No, I’m Not A Gold Digger

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for older men. When I say older, I don’t mean by a couple of years, but a couple of decades. I have dated men from 18-50, and I have found as I approach my mid-20s, that I am like a magnet to older men, but it’s not for the reasons people would expect. Being able to go places you’ve never been, and thoughtful gifts are great, don’t get me wrong, but I am the type of woman that likes to do things on my own. I would rather have a stable support system for achieving the goals that I have set for myself, over someone who will do everything for me. I have dated both ends of the older man spectrum. The ones who try to take care of me and act as “dad” don’t usually last as long as the ones who are there to be my equal. I’m a sucker for personal space, so clinginess and jealousy will turn me off in a heartbeat. You can’t blame a girl either for enjoying having a car door opened for her, or receiving a phone call every day rather than text conversations back and forth. Dating an older man is a whole new world, and I think a lot of people have misconceptions about how a true older/younger relationship can be, especially with the stigma of all of them being about sugar babies and gold diggers.

I want to start off by saying that I am not here to bash younger men. I’ve spent most of my teens and early twenties with them. They’re just not my bag. I will also point out there have been some older men I have not had great relationships with. To prove my point, I will start out with an example of a relationship that didn’t work out, and ended fairly quickly.

My first relationship with a man older came to me out of the blue. I was attracted to him instantly, and although I knew he was older than me, I didn’t care to know the age gap (found out later it was 20 years). He seemed confident and knew what he wanted so we started dating shortly after. Unfortunately, this encounter wasn’t exactly how I imagined it would be. At first, I didn’t feel like he was completely honest with me about his living situation, but I was freshly single and desperate for a boyfriend. Big mistake. When he moved to a different apartment, I was there all the time. He started coming over to my place more, and it wasn’t until he pushed for us to move in together after a couple of weeks that I found out I can’t stand clinginess. It wasn’t just me that noticed it either. I soon had my friends asking if we had moved in because he never seemed to stay away. He also wasn’t very careful with money. I realized that he was blowing money on me to try and impress me, but did the complete opposite when I eventually had to loan him money to pay his bills. It didn’t take long for the relationship to end.

After that relationship, I ended up getting into another one with an older man and it was entirely different. All of the issues I had with the last one diminished completely.

I liked the fact that my new boyfriend was completely supportive of what I wanted to accomplish. I told him about my goals for the future, and he did all he could to assist, but not do them for me. He wasn’t threatened anytime I finished a goal, but was there with a celebratory drink, or hug and kiss. It was the same for him. I never kept him from accomplishing things he wanted to do as hard as it was. We would go weeks without seeing each other, and sometimes it felt like I had signed up for a long distance relationship. As long as we trusted each other I knew it would work out. It also gave me the distance I craved.

The distance between us was also a huge deal for me. I like to go out and do my own thing or hang with my group of friends. I also wanted to pursue my interests that he didn’t enjoy doing, but did just to spend time with me. There were no jealousy or guilt trips when I went out and did my own thing, which was a huge relief, especially with my past relationship, and marriage. We would occasionally check in with each other throughout the day, and when we finally had some downtime, we would usually be able to have a long phone conversation, which is something I took for granted.

Since technology has completely changed the way we communicate with each other, it’s pleasant to go back to the roots of it and be able to have a simple phone conversation. I’m a fan of texting small things here and there throughout the days, (naturally both of us are busy), but there are some instances it’s nice to sit down for an hour or two and have a simple conversation. That’s another reason to love older men. A lot of them grew up in the era of just simple telephones, no texting, or emailing. Sure, it sucks that they don’t know how to use social media or work a simple app, but I have also found that the lack of them being online so much also leads to more quality time, as well as less drama. Your relationship has a better chance of being free of complications if other people can’t get into it.

One thing that might become a slight issue for some is the increased risk of “baggage.” Of course, with age comes experience, families, and exes. I have been able to overlook it, because as much as I am not a fan of baggage, most older men have it, and have learned how to get over it and be cordial if they do have any ties with people from their past. I also have some baggage, so as long as they are accepting of mine, it’s fair for me to uphold the same respect.

The last point I would like to make about dating an older man is a whole new world of respect and how you’re treated. Unfortunately, I’ve never had a door open for me, or a chair pulled out until I dated out of my age range. I’ve never had someone walk on the outside closer to the road either. Simple stuff that used to be normal back in their day now becomes normal in yours. You realize that all of this time you’ve been missing out.

Dating an older man is not for everyone. It takes a particular individual to become invested in the relationship, without focusing on money.  A lot of them can sniff out if you’re in it for the money, (trust me, I’ve asked) which some, that’s their thing. It’s not one of the easiest things I’ve done. Mentioning the relationship to friends and family can be difficult, but thankfully, I’m not as close to mine as other people are. The bottom line is this; if you feel like it’s something you want to try, just make sure you’re in it for all the right reasons. It’s tough as hell some days, and you will get a lot of judgemental stares when you go out, but other people’s opinions don’t matter if you’re happy, right? There will be some disagreements, and they will be handled differently given the age gaps, but I have to say despite all the minor issues I have had dating older men, I wouldn’t change my ways.

My First Pegging: The Sportsheets New Comers Strap-On Set Review

Two years ago as I mentioned in my post I was so clueless about a lot of things. I knew there was a whole world of anal sex, but I had no idea that straight men liked it, let alone with a strap-on or anything phallic shaped. I saw the prostate massagers we had at work and figured that was the only thing that would be an option. Half of them scared me with how they looked, so I looked and played with them, but kept my distance. I had heard the term “milking the prostate” thrown around here and there, but I was yet to experience it with anyone. I put it on the back burner as something that would be cool to try, but I never thought the opportunity to do it would ever knock on my door.

When the term pegging was brought up to me, I swear I asked almost every single person at work what it meant and if they have ever done it. My coworker informed me that she never had, but heard it was one of the most liberating things, and at that instant I knew it was going to be something to cross off my “fucket list.” I was pretty intrigued and figured I would give it a shot, because who knows when this opportunity would ever come back around? Very least, I would have a good story to tell.

I was surprised when my friend brought it up to me. My friend is extremely hetero, and probably the biggest guy’s guy you can imagine. From his job to how he presented himself, he was the last person I would ever imagine pegging. It took me back a second and took me a while to think about before I decided to take the plunge, but once we set boundaries and made sure everything had been communicated we were ready to roll. I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate before and during pegging. It takes a lot of thought and consideration, and it requires some patience as you will want to go slow at first. As I always say, “Treat other asses the way you would want yours to be treated.”

The topic of pegging couldn’t have been brought up at a better time. At the time, we were in the middle of having our annual ladies night where all the vendors would come and talk about their products. I ended up modeling the Newcomers Strap-On by Sportsheets (what can I say, I love my job!) and received it as a gift for my impeccable modeling skills. When I brought it back to the house, we both agreed that the size was fine, despite me giving him the side eye on more than one occasion. He had even mentioned wanting to go bigger, but I figured to save that for a later date. It was my first time doing anything like this, even though to this day he says he couldn’t tell. I was just trying to make sure I created an experience he would like and want to do again, instead of going balls deep with a bigger one.

wp-1448419230771.jpgI have to say after actually doing it, he was right. The dong that came with the machine washable harness was a perfect fit. The silicone dildo measured in at a tolerable 5 inches, with almost an inch in girth. It has a nice little suction cup at the bottom that you don’t think would be as strong as it is. I seriously had some issues taking the damn thing off the wall. When I finally did, of course, I flew back right with it. That being said, I would say another pro with this is being able to ditch the partner and back up against it if you’re really in dire need of a little anal action. The harness fit me perfectly, which I figured being that it boasts that a 60-inch hip can fit into it. The straps were easy to adjust by simply pulling, and it fit comfortably against me. There was no discomfort while I was wearing it, and no chaffing. I was able to fit my Tango in between me and the harness, but it was a little uncomfortable being that there was no small pocket on this particular one to put it. Although Sportsheets does offer other options with this feature, this one, unfortunately, doesn’t, which would have to be one of the negatives. The only other negative would be the lack of detachable o-rings that gives you more variety with the dongs that you use (the o-ring fits up to 1.25″ diameter), but since it’s for beginners, I can see why that wasn’t a huge concern when designing this.


Once we finally found a time to get into it, (damn work schedules), I added a substantial amount of water based lubricant on it and slid it in with ease. It was so easy to do it; I was shocked. It came like a second nature to me. Since I am shorter than him, it took about 5 or 6 different angles to decide what would finally work with our height differences. I finally had him at the end of the bed while I entered from behind. Let me tell you when the time came for him to climax, it was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done. I have always been more of a submissive person when it comes to sex, but finding that it was possible to make a man come from anal sex, was indescribable. I will let you know; it is a leg workout from hell. My legs hurt so much the next day; it was hard to walk or stand, but it was for a good cause. I’ve always gone the extra mile for my friends, so non-working legs next day in exchange for a little anal play is fine by me!


I want to applaud Sportsheets for making such a simple harness to use for the first time anyone wants to try pegging or just strapping in general. It made it an experience I would be willing to try again if I was ever to get the opportunity. The harness was super comfortable, and the dong had a nice firm feel to it. I like that the straps were so easy to adjust since I have the worst luck with that kind of thing. The box was sturdy, and I primarily use it for storing my harness. I have sold the harness to a couple of customers at work, and I have heard nothing but good reviews on it. I am so glad there is a nice quality beginners strap-on for people, like me, who have no idea where to start. The people at Sportsheets hit the nail on the head by providing a perfect dong and harness combination that doesn’t look or feel cheap. I have seen so many beginner’s harnesses with a thin foam piece of material and a cheap jelly dong, so it’s great to see that even if you’re a beginner there are some excellent quality options for you to try out without breaking the bank.  I will recommend this to anyone interested in pegging or trying a strap-on for the first time.

Hedovibes Round Up #113


20150529_093456-2Photo courtesy of The Happy Kitty

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