Yes I Like Older Men, No, I’m Not A Gold Digger

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for older men. When I say older, I don’t mean by a couple of years, but a couple of decades. I have dated men from 18-50, and I have found as I approach my mid-20s, that I am like a magnet to older men, but it’s not for the reasons people would expect. Being able to go places you’ve never been, and thoughtful gifts are great, don’t get me wrong, but I am the type of woman that likes to do things on my own. I would rather have a stable support system for achieving the goals that I have set for myself, over someone who will do everything for me. I have dated both ends of the older man spectrum. The ones who try to take care of me and act as “dad” don’t usually last as long as the ones who are there to be my equal. I’m a sucker for personal space, so clinginess and jealousy will turn me off in a heartbeat. You can’t blame a girl either for enjoying having a car door opened for her, or receiving a phone call every day rather than text conversations back and forth. Dating an older man is a whole new world, and I think a lot of people have misconceptions about how a true older/younger relationship can be, especially with the stigma of all of them being about sugar babies and gold diggers.

I want to start off by saying that I am not here to bash younger men. I’ve spent most of my teens and early twenties with them. They’re just not my bag. I will also point out there have been some older men I have not had great relationships with. To prove my point, I will start out with an example of a relationship that didn’t work out, and ended fairly quickly.

My first relationship with a man older came to me out of the blue. I was attracted to him instantly, and although I knew he was older than me, I didn’t care to know the age gap (found out later it was 20 years). He seemed confident and knew what he wanted so we started dating shortly after. Unfortunately, this encounter wasn’t exactly how I imagined it would be. At first, I didn’t feel like he was completely honest with me about his living situation, but I was freshly single and desperate for a boyfriend. Big mistake. When he moved to a different apartment, I was there all the time. He started coming over to my place more, and it wasn’t until he pushed for us to move in together after a couple of weeks that I found out I can’t stand clinginess. It wasn’t just me that noticed it either. I soon had my friends asking if we had moved in because he never seemed to stay away. He also wasn’t very careful with money. I realized that he was blowing money on me to try and impress me, but did the complete opposite when I eventually had to loan him money to pay his bills. It didn’t take long for the relationship to end.

After that relationship, I ended up getting into another one with an older man and it was entirely different. All of the issues I had with the last one diminished completely.

I liked the fact that my new boyfriend was completely supportive of what I wanted to accomplish. I told him about my goals for the future, and he did all he could to assist, but not do them for me. He wasn’t threatened anytime I finished a goal, but was there with a celebratory drink, or hug and kiss. It was the same for him. I never kept him from accomplishing things he wanted to do as hard as it was. We would go weeks without seeing each other, and sometimes it felt like I had signed up for a long distance relationship. As long as we trusted each other I knew it would work out. It also gave me the distance I craved.

The distance between us was also a huge deal for me. I like to go out and do my own thing or hang with my group of friends. I also wanted to pursue my interests that he didn’t enjoy doing, but did just to spend time with me. There were no jealousy or guilt trips when I went out and did my own thing, which was a huge relief, especially with my past relationship, and marriage. We would occasionally check in with each other throughout the day, and when we finally had some downtime, we would usually be able to have a long phone conversation, which is something I took for granted.

Since technology has completely changed the way we communicate with each other, it’s pleasant to go back to the roots of it and be able to have a simple phone conversation. I’m a fan of texting small things here and there throughout the days, (naturally both of us are busy), but there are some instances it’s nice to sit down for an hour or two and have a simple conversation. That’s another reason to love older men. A lot of them grew up in the era of just simple telephones, no texting, or emailing. Sure, it sucks that they don’t know how to use social media or work a simple app, but I have also found that the lack of them being online so much also leads to more quality time, as well as less drama. Your relationship has a better chance of being free of complications if other people can’t get into it.

One thing that might become a slight issue for some is the increased risk of “baggage.” Of course, with age comes experience, families, and exes. I have been able to overlook it, because as much as I am not a fan of baggage, most older men have it, and have learned how to get over it and be cordial if they do have any ties with people from their past. I also have some baggage, so as long as they are accepting of mine, it’s fair for me to uphold the same respect.

The last point I would like to make about dating an older man is a whole new world of respect and how you’re treated. Unfortunately, I’ve never had a door open for me, or a chair pulled out until I dated out of my age range. I’ve never had someone walk on the outside closer to the road either. Simple stuff that used to be normal back in their day now becomes normal in yours. You realize that all of this time you’ve been missing out.

Dating an older man is not for everyone. It takes a particular individual to become invested in the relationship, without focusing on money.  A lot of them can sniff out if you’re in it for the money, (trust me, I’ve asked) which some, that’s their thing. It’s not one of the easiest things I’ve done. Mentioning the relationship to friends and family can be difficult, but thankfully, I’m not as close to mine as other people are. The bottom line is this; if you feel like it’s something you want to try, just make sure you’re in it for all the right reasons. It’s tough as hell some days, and you will get a lot of judgemental stares when you go out, but other people’s opinions don’t matter if you’re happy, right? There will be some disagreements, and they will be handled differently given the age gaps, but I have to say despite all the minor issues I have had dating older men, I wouldn’t change my ways.

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